We are finally getting somewhere with the story of how I eventually got my happily ever after, and it feels really good! I do apologize for the wait this week though, I have been crazy busy, but I hope that I can make up for that by making this part a little longer than usual. I won’t drag it any further, so here you have it:
I was standing there on that platform waiting for the train to arrive for what seemed like an eternity. Even though I had a newly found confidence and I had convinced myself that everything was going to be all right, I was kind of pacing, feeling the anticipation and my patience was really running thin. Really thin in fact. Butterflies slowly awakened deep inside, and suddenly I wasn’t so calm anymore. It wasn’t no way near a panic attack, buuut it definitely made me feel a little uncomfortable.
There were only a few other people at the train station, even though it was around 4 pm. (Okay, let’s just be honest here; at this point I could have been drowning in a sea of people and I probably still wouldn’t have noticed) I was so caught up in my own little world. My thoughts were spinning and I was trying to visualize how the next couple of days would go and it all came down to two possible outcomes:
- It would be awkward and a waste of our time (which would definitely make things a lot easier for me)
- We would click and be all over each other (which basically would be the worst that could happen at this point)
I was ripped out of my own thoughts when the sound of an incoming train demanded my attention. Suddenly, I no longer felt as confident. I felt exposed… It was like everything around me had disappeared and I was the only one standing there, completely on display. There was nowhere to hide. He could sit there on the train, hidden away for me to see him, and take all of me in and decide right then and there if I was worth getting of the train for…
I felt watched. I felt eyes burning deep into my soul, and I knew he had seen me. I could feel him watching me, and it made me feel uneasy… If there ever was a time for a panic attack, this would be it.
It probably only took him a minute or so to get off the train, but for me, everything happened in slow motion. You know, like in the movies… You can hear your own heart beating, the blood in your veins pumps a little harder than usual and you breathe a little heavier as the world around you continues in the same, normal pace, but you are basically frozen, and all you can do is wait…
And just like that, the wait was over. There he was… all tall and handsome. Even from a million miles away, I would have recognized him. He would stand out in any crowd.
He walked towards me, slow and confident. When he was halfway there, he looked down for a second, tilted his head and when he looked back up again, he gave me the most dazzling smile I have ever seen in my whole life. That’s when I realized: ”I’m screwed”.
It was like taking a hit directly in the gut, forcing all the air to leave my lungs and that calmness and confidence I had felt as I had entered the platform just 5 minutes before, was gone. It was nowhere to be found.
By now, I was in deep in my full-on panic attack… ”Fuck, fuck, FUCK! No, no, no… This is not good. I’m so screwed, I’m so screwed, I’M SO FUCKING SCREWED!” my inner voice screamed. My cheeks were blazing red, and I couldn’t get myself to look at him. It was too overwhelming. You know, almost like you can’t stare at the sun for too long without going blind, that kinda thing!
As usual, he made me feel like a 14 year-old school girl: uncomfortable, awkward and shy as hell.
I tried swallowing, as I walked a couple of small steps towards him, but my mouth was dry and I started to feel dizzy. When he finally was at my side, I gave him a hug and said Hi, avoiding all sorts of eye contact as much as possible… I was scared to death that he could see straight through me.
His big and strong arms were wrapped around my waist and he hugged me close and said: ”You smell good, Shorty” I blushed, burying my face in his shoulder. It was a long hug, almost like he didn’t want to let me go and it was impossible not the feel the sparks around us. The air was undeniably static, and I think other people could feel it too… It was intense to say the least.
When he finally let go, my legs were shaking underneath me, and I was trying my best to walk and seem casual at the same time, not really succeeding at either one, as we approached the car. I wanted to come off as normal as possible… you know, easy-breezy… but I was still panicking inside. I couldn’t think straight. It was just too many feelings at once. My head was spinning and what was up with that physical chemistry anyway? I had never felt anything like that before.
We had some time to kill before dinner and we decided to go and get a beer at an Old English Pub close to the restaurant. I hoped that a bit of alcohol would calm my nerves, at least just a tiny bit. As we walked there I made up an insane story about how the vikings had built the town hundreds of hundred years ago and as I kept on talking, I could see his face turn more and more skeptic. I bursted out laughing! Like, out loud and in the middle of the town square… ”Well, I promised to be your tour guide, but I never said I would be any good at it” I laughed. We both did. In fact, we laughed so hard that I could hardly breathe and my head started hurting… Oh, how I loved laughing with him!
We went inside the bar and ordered two beers. We walked upstairs to the lounge area and sat in the couch next to each other. Deliberately, I placed myself in one corner as he sat in the other end of that two-seat couch, trying to put as much space between us as possible.
Keeping the conversation going wasn’t hard, since I talk a lot when I get nervous. He just listened and smiled at me . He never took his eyes off of me, not even once. He looked at me with eyes so sparkly and alive, like I was the only woman in the world. It made me so shy, and I was literally falling apart inside because damn, it was embarrassing that he had so much power over me! He kept on staring at me like I was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen, and it was beyond intense to have his full attention like that… I struggled with it as the little voice inside me began questioning everything: ”Why me? There’s so many other women that’s so much more of everything than I am… I’m just nobody, I’m ordinary… I not anything special! Why the hell is he looking at me like that?”
He sat there in the couch next to me, completely calm, confidence oozing out of him, when he said the two most terrifying words ever: ”Come here…”
My heart was razing, and it felt like a vein would pop in my forehead at any given moment, but I managed to do as I was told, I moved a little closer and then a little more. When I finally was close enough, he leaned in and kissed me.
It was a small almost innocent kiss, almost like you could have kissed your grandmother. (Actually, no… You wouldn’t kiss your grandmother like that, but you get my point!) It was a little stiff and awkward and that was totally my fault. I just couldn’t give in to it, because I was too busy fighting the feelings I had for him. With him sitting right next to me, touching my knee and caressing my thigh, looking at me like that… I was in for the battle of my life, and he didn’t even realize it… Or maybe he did, because he sure looked like he was enjoying it!
Anyway, however awkward or stiff that kiss had been, it was still obvious we had chemistry. That didn’t go away, but it had removed some of the tension a little bit, and for some reason that was exactly what I needed to relax a little bit around him.
We finished our beer and as we walked to the restaurant we joked and laughed, exactly like we normally did on the phone. Nothing had changed. He made me laugh so hard that my abs started hurting and I almost peed myself. It was amazing, it was liberating…
The dinner was amazing. We laughed a lot, kissed across the table and held hands. It was all so innocent, but still so sweet and romantic. I felt so happy, but that shy feeling never left me. Maybe that was because Orz was being the perfect gentleman and complimenting me at any given chance. He literally made me blush every other minute, and I hated it. On the other hand, I could tell by the look on his face that he was extremely pleased with himself and the situation, and that only made it so much worse!
Honestly, besides blushing all the time and the fact that Orz was so much more confident in the situation than I was, there wasn’t a worry in the world. It felt like him and I were the only ones that existed in that moment. It’s such a cliché, I know… The whole thing with the worlds stops turning, everyone else disappears around you and you only have eyes for each other, but that was exactly what happened. I have never felt anything like that before him… Everything about Orz was like nothing I had ever experienced.
We moved on from our perfect dinner, and Orz had of course, in the perfect gentleman manner, paid for everything, even though I had insisted. That was the first battle of many I would be losing the following days.
We walked, talked and laughed and the few people we did notice on our way, couldn’t take their eyes off of us. An elderly man passed us with the biggest smile on his face. Apparently our chemistry was not only obvious to us but also to everyone else around us… The sparks were definitely flying through the air on this cold November evening.
As we got into the car and started driving toward the hotel, the sexual tension between us was building and the air around us seemed to get thicker and thicker. We could probably have cut it out with a knife, if we had tried. The anticipation was slowly but surely building up for what was about to come, and we both knew that the second we were alone in the hotel room, there would be no going back. I tried stalling the time, but it flew by so fast and way too soon we parked at the hotel.
This was it.
We went inside to the reception to pick up the key and the receptionist smiled at us and wishing us a pleasant stay. We looked at each other, and we were clearly thinking the same dirty thing: ”It will be a pleasant stay alright!” and we laughed as we were reading each others minds.
Orz fumbled a bit with the key to our room, and I was just about to make a stupid joke about it when the door opened. A small gasp escaped my lips. He looked at me, waiting for me to take the first steps inside… Ladies first and all that.
I took a deep breath, knowing that the second that door closed, my faith would be sealed, and I walked in to the room. Before I knew it, I heard the click from the door closing behind me. I turned around and saw him looking at me, slowly moving closer, until he was right in front of me, no space left between us at all. He placed my face in his hands, and that was all it took for us to let go of all our inhibitions. Our lips explored each other like there was no tomorrow, and it was mind-blowingly perfect.
That kiss, when it finally happened, was so stormy, so passionate and exciting that we almost forgot about the time. We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other and we both knew that we were in for one hell of a night. However, we would soon be interrupted by my friend that would arrive at any second, and we would have to keep our hands to ourselves until we were alone again. It would be difficult, and neither Orz or I wanted to open the door when we eventually heard knocking.
The plan had always been to drink together the three of us, have fun and go out and show Orz the nightlife in Denmark, but we just weren’t in the mood for partying when she arrived. We just wanted to be alone.
Thankfully, not 2 hours later, she was so wasted that we had to have her dad pick her up and it was a relief for the both of us when we were finally alone again.
It didn’t take us long to get undressed, ending up on the bed having an intense make-out session that quickly evolved into something more… something much, much more. I would give you all the explicit details, but that would turn this blog into something entirely different, and we wouldn’t want that! Haha!
I fell asleep on his chest, drooling, and my body was aching, but in a good way. I was completely drained, but I was also the most relaxed I had been in months. It was bliss laying there in bed with him. It was perfect.
I woke up the next morning very early because I could feel his hands on me. He was looking at me and he seemed so tired, like he hadn’t slept at all. He kissed me and that was all it took for us to begin right were we had ended things the night before, and it was the best sex I had ever had in my life. Everything about it was just perfect.
The rest of the day went by way too fast… Orz brought me breakfast in bed, we laughed all day, kissed, talked, binge-watched Netflix, had sex again… Actually, a lot of sex… We went out to dinner that evening and when we got back to the hotel, we showered together. We ended the night with a cuddle in bed. I felt happy, more happy than ever I thought I could be, as my eyes closed that night and I once again fell asleep in his arms.
By Sunday morning, I woke up to the uneasy feeling of panic. I knew that soon it would all be over, and I couldn’t really deal with that. Even though we had planned to stay there together till Monday morning, I just had to get out of there. It was too much.
Knowing that Orz and I had an expiration time was more than I could handle. I knew that I couldn’t control that fact or stop the time, but at least I could control when that expiration time would be… If we were going to say goodbye, it would be on my terms.
I told Orz that I had to leave because I had an emergency, and that my boyfriend would come and pick me up. He was obviously sad and disappointed, but we agreed to meet shortly the next morning before he left for the airport, and it was with ambivalent feelings I had agreed to that. One part of me just wanted to get this over with and the other one never wanted to let him go.
As I was packing my things, I felt so sad. Actually, more sad than I had expected to feel, and just like that, there that feeling was again: I felt completely unhappy and sick to my stomach. It didn’t exactly help that Orz was playing ”Goodbye My Lover” by James Blunt in the background. The tears were stinging my eyes, and I was overwhelmed. I was seconds from breaking down, but I knew I had to be strong.
When my boyfriend picked me up at the parking lot, my heart was definitely hurting, but it was also a relief at some point. It had been so intense being with Orz, and now I finally felt like I could breathe for a second. I would have the much needed air I needed to be able to really think about everything, even though that was almost impossible to do with a hurting heart.
I hugged Orz goodbye, at least for now, and it didn’t feel good at all leaving him, but I knew that I had to.
My boyfriend seemed relieved when I got in the car. He had known about my hotel weekend with Orz, because I had been honest with him from the start. He had never questioned anything… I don’t know if he was just that naive to trust me or if he simply didn’t care if anything happened. Honestly, it really doesn’t matter either…
I watched Orz as he walked away from the parking lot, and my heart was more torn than I wanted to admit to myself. I sat there in silence as we drove away, and all I knew was that this would be a weekend that I would forever cherish. No matter what else the future would have in store for me, this would always be a perfect memory…
I had no problem looking my boyfriend in the eye when we arrived at my house. I didn’t feel guilty at all. The fact is that I should have just ended the relationship before meeting Orz, but I had told myself that if I still had a boyfriend when we met, it would be so much easier for us to keep it friendly the whole weekend… I guess that I was the naive one after all.
Monday morning, Orz and I met as planned and we sat in my car for about an hour talking. He had brought me breakfast from the hotel, because he was just that thoughtful. It felt nice, but my heart was heavy, because I knew this would be the last time I would ever see him. I had made up my mind. It broke my heart, but I couldn’t tell him any of that.
When he got out of my car and we hugged and kissed goodbye, I knew that this would be the last time I would ever be wrapped in his arms where I fit so perfectly… It would be the last time I would feel his perfect lips against mine… but I also knew it would be the best for the both of us. We would just have to keep it friendly and at a distance from now on.
He walked away and I drove home, more confused and sad than I had ever been before…
Even though our story is far from over, you’ll have to wait for it until next time. Take care!
Nothing but love,
If you missed out on the previous chapters, here’s a list with the links below to take you straight to them: