Hi world!

It’s finally time for the next part of my story.

Honestly, it was a very dark and difficult time, without a lot of hope and love. I made the wrong choices over and over. However, the funny thing about my story is that it might be complicated and I might have taken a lot of detours along the way. I surely made so many stupid mistakes and I tried fighting the inevitable for so long… but it didn’t change anything, because it was almost like all the roads led to the exact same end goal: finding my happily ever after.

CHAPTER 5

In my year of Kissing Frogs, I learned a lot about myself and life in general. Mainly I learned not to trust anyone and that true love only existed in fairy tales… I just couldn’t believe in love in the same way as I once had, and the hope of ever finding it seemed to grow smaller and smaller every day. The many failed dating attempts didn’t exactly help either, I mean, the guys I dated were not exactly happy-ending material, and it made me believe that such a thing as a “Mr Right” was nothing more than a pure lie.

A couple of months after I joined Likes, I started noticing a guy called Orz. I don’t know why he stood out, because I had like 30.000 followers and a lot of activity on my profile. Still, somehow he managed to get himself noticed.

Normally I would never re-follow anyone, unless they really made a good impression and I rarely ever answered any comments. Orz was just different from the start. He was subtle, respectful and not at all like all the “predators” on there, and without even knowing it himself, he had already peaked my interest more than I would have ever cared to admit.

I swallowed my pride and gave him a re-follow, which allowed private messaging, keeping the option open for him to contact me. I expected an almost immediate response, but nothing happened. I remember that it annoyed me, because I was so used to guys writing me all the time, but I sure as hell wasn’t about to write him first…

A couple of days later, I posted a selfie, as I had done a million times before…  I went through the comments a little while later and there he was again… ”Looking good shorty ;)” His words were almost taunting me…

Orz had always seemed a little bit cocky and self-confident, without overdoing it, and I really liked his attitude and humor. At first I was just going to ignore his comment like all the others, since he clearly wasn’t interested in contacting me in private, but I just couldn’t let it go…

Soon after I haf decided not to respond, I found myself staring at my phone, looking for something clever to write back, but for the love of God, I couldn’t figure out what. I didn’t want to give him any ideas, or make him think that I was even the slightest bit interested in him, even though I clearly was, I just wasn’t about to admit that to him or myself.

I wanted to play it cool, so I answered him ”I’m not short :P…” (Yep… that was obviously the complete opposite of cool! haha! “I’m not short”?! Of all the words in the English language, THIS was my way of playing it cool? If that was the best I could come up with, maybe burying myself in my backyard would have been a better choice at this point)

Soon after he answered with stating the obvious: ”Shorty = attractive girl ;D”…

At first I was thinking: “Does he think I’m stupid or something… I was trying to come off as fun and cheeky! GAWD!” and surely on the inside I was giggling like a 14-year-old girl with a crush, but I wasn’t about to tell him that…

In my next genius attempt to act all cool, I answered ”I know… It was just a joke :D” (No, it wasn’t, bitch! It was you stating the god damn truth –  you are 5’8’’ for crying out loud! Gawd!!) And, yes… that was me talking to myself at that exact moment, hoping that Orz couldn’t see how lame I was!

….And nothing. It was like complete radio silence from him  after that and I was disappointed.

It didn’t take long before I started dating someone I really liked back home in Denmark and I was hardly ever on Likes anymore. I checked in everyday to see if there was any news and to answer my messages, but that was just about it. One day one of the messages read ”Hey Shorty!” and guess who it was from… At first I didn’t see a point in even answering, since I was now involved with someone, but something made me do it anyway. It was a very short and superficial conversation, because my heart wasn’t in it and he could probably sense that I was only answering to be polite.

Months went by and I didn’t hear a word from him. In the mean time I had gone from being happy, almost-in-love to heartbroken when things surprisingly (read: not surprising at all) didn’t work out with the guy I had been seeing.

When fall came around, Orz finally decided to write me again and this time I was much more open, I answered his questions, trying to make a conversation, and just like that, he stopped replying again. (Okay, so maybe I hadn’t been totally open. I had been holding back a little bit, but who could blame me? I had just added yet another failed dating attempt to my list, and I wasn’t ready to add another one)

3 weeks later he wrote me again, and this time I was finally ready to go all in on the flirting. I guess, all I needed was time and we really hit it off… We talked and joked all day and all night, and it was really great. We flirted like there was no tomorrow and I knew I liked him a lot, it scared me because I wasn’t sure if I could handle getting my heart broken again.

After a couple of days of flirting, Orz wrote me something like: “You make me want to visit my neighboring country, shorty!” and I answered him, cocky as hell: ”Maybe you should… I can show you a good time here!” which really heated up our conversation to put it mildly.

However, the next day I had to face reality: I really, really like this guy. Sure, at this point it had just been flirting and friendly banter, nothing that I had ever planned on taking out in the real world, because that’s were hopes and dreams go and die… But now we weren’t joking around anymore… we were actually talking about it!

It literally made my stomach turn. I stayed up most of the following night thinking about it, and I knew that if I was being honest with myself, I liked him too much to just meet him and have a friendly hook-up and I knew that I didn’t want a long distance relationship, especially not with someone from Sweden.

The next day I fought an internal battle to just delete him and never talk to him again, but when he wrote me, I was honest with him. I served myself on a platter in front of him and said: ”You know… I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to meet”. He asked me why and I told him the truth: that I didn’t think I could meet him without falling in love with him. ”I don’t think I could do that either” he answered.

Talk about having an elephant in the room!

A million things ran through my mind in the matter of seconds…  “I DON’T WANT THIS! I don’t want to fall in love with a guy from Sweden, especially not someone with kids! I can’t have him give up his kids to be with me… I’m not moving to Sweden, not now, not ever…  I can’t do it. This is doomed from the start, it will never work…” Yep, I was literally freaking out.

My first reaction was to blurt out: “THEN WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO MEET?! We shouldn’t be falling in love with each other!” as I felt the panic running through my veins.  ”I just really want to meet you and see if it could be something… What if I come down and visit you in a couple of weeks?”

I was skeptical at first, but I accepted, hoping that we would have it under control. However, I was still freaking out. I was so confused, I had a constant internal battle whether or not I should go through with it or not, so I did the only thing I could think of, that would make me feel better: Talk to my sister.

I wanted her to give me one of her pep-talks, like she would always do. In the year of dating, she would always say: ”Do what makes you happy, I’ll always love you and be there for you, even if it takes you away from me”, so I expected the same pep-talk this time as well.

”So… There is this guy… He want’s to come and visit me” I slowly began… Her first response was to ask where this guy was from, because at this point she had heard it all before. However, this time it was different, because the guy was different, and I had known that for quite some time. ”He’s from Sweden and…” she interrupted me and calmly said ”No. Not Sweden. That’s the wrong way. NOT SWEDEN” and that was final…

Going home, I knew she was right. Orz and I had scheduled to meet the following week, but I was just too scared to go through with it. I decided to tell him a straight out lie, when I cancelled it. I came up with a million excuses, but never one good enough for him not to want to re-schedule it. He was stubborn and persistent, and a part of me really liked that, but I just couldn’t take the risk of getting my heart broken again.

In a last desperate attempt to try an forget about him, I said yes to go on a date with a guy back home. Finding a guy in Denmark meant that I could keep my house, my 5 dogs and my breeding business. I could keep my cat and stay close to my sister and her children, and I would do whatever it took to keep it like that…. Even give up on a guy I was already falling in love with.

However, that’s all for now, but I promise you that the next part of the story is in the making… Take care until next time, guys!

– Maria
P.s.
In case you missed out on the other chapters, here’s a link to each of them:

CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4

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