Well, it’s time for another spin-off, guys!
Today, I want to share my thoughts about online relationships. Many people might think that it’s the same as online dating, but I don’t agree. I have tried both, and both genuinely sucked… At least 99.9 % of the time! Haha!
For me, online dating would be when you search for a date online and then meet in real life within a short amount of time later.
An online relationship on the other hand is when you find someone special online and you connect with them on a deeper level… Pretty soon you find yourself falling in love and at this point you are completely ignoring every ounce of sense in your body that’s screaming: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? This. Is. WEIRD! You can’t be in love with a person you’ve never met!!
But none of that matters, because the heart wants what it wants… Sooner or later you guys agree on being exclusive till you can meet in real life, and that’s when your journey begins…
In other words an online relationships only happens when factors like distance, time differences and the lack of money gets in the way of actually meeting right away.
Welcome to The Poor Suckers Club! Haha!
To be fair, they also only happen when you actively choose to defy the stereotypes of how you are supposed to meet and fall in love… It’s when you make a conscious choice to make it work no matter what… Even knowing that the success rate is like zero to nothing and you literally don’t stand a chance. You give it your all anyway because your heart is telling you that you just might be the 0.01 % couple that actually makes it through in the end
(WARNING: 99.9 % of the time, your heart is a stupid son of a b**** and you should not listen to it!)
Devoting yourself to someone online isn’t just about the time and effort you put into it, which by the way is a 24/7 kind of job, because there is no pause in OR-land… at least not if you want it work out in the end. It’s all about being available, it’s about interacting and trying to make up for the fact that you can’t physically be there, because that is a whole other level of problems. The fact is that you can’t only commit to the relationship with your heart, you have to commit with your body as well… That doesn’t sound so hard now does it? Well, think again! It’s torture to say the least!
By this I don’t mean the lack of sex…. It’s the little things you are missing: good morning kisses, the cuddling late at night, the hug you need but you can’t get… And oh, yes.. the sex, most definitely the sex!
In other words, it takes a lot of strength to not give in to those physical needs! I mean, what’s stopping you or your new Bae from having a little friendly ”snack” on the side back home to fill this empty hole you have inside? (wow… that sounded waaay more dirty than I intended! haha!) But hey – it’s not like they would ever find out! (Do you see where I am going with this?)
If the lack of physical intimacy isn’t driving you crazy right about now, try adding the practical stuff like planning when to talk on the phone, skyping, when to meet in real life, when you should find time to meet your friends… It’s a b****!
Conclusion so far: OR-land is hard work to maintain. It will take all your energy and it requires more patience than you possibly have in your body, to wait for that special one on one. It takes strength to go the full distance, I kidd you not.
Now, you just might be sitting there asking yourself if you can really be in love when you haven’t met, haven’t kissed, haven’t had sex… Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you for that. I have thought the exact same thing… I never believed in online love before it happened to me. I was both skeptical and cynical!
On the other hand, let’s just be honest here: You need to be skeptical when you are online. The truth is that most people create an online persona, and in the worst cases they become a cat-fish. Some people just might get a thrill out of making you fall for them, without any intention of carrying it out in life. They might have a family at home, and you might just be the thrill they need to get through the day… not to mention the scammers who only put in the time of effort to rip you off in the end. The worst part of it all? You will never have a chance of knowing… at least not before it’s too late. It’s like taking a stroll through a mine-field. It’s a constant risk when you are meeting people online, because they might not be as real as you are.
Words of advice: DON’T TRUST ANYONE BLINDLY! Especially not if they ask you for money.
If you ask me if it’s worth the risk to involve yourself with someone online, I would honestly answer you that in 99.9 % of the time, the fucker you are talking to is probably so fake that he would make Barbie look real… So the numbers don’t really speak in favor of it, no… But oh, that 0.01 %… THAT is what makes it all worth it in the end, I promise you.
The thing is, if you are both just being yourselves, you can fall in love pretty easy. It might only take a day or a week, because online relationships are intense. Actually, it’s a standing joke in the online community that 1 day in an online relationship is like a month, a month like a year and a year is an eternity…
But how is it even possible to fall in love so fast? Well, my theory is that it’s because all that awkwardness of the physical chemistry isn’t in the way. All you can do is talk and get to know each other. Time is flying by and you don’t notice that you have been talking all night without getting any sleep. You feel connected in a way you haven’t felt before, this person hears what you aren’t necessarily saying, sees what you aren’t necessarily showing… You can just be you, whether you are happy, sad or angry. It’s liberating an it’s probably one of the most overwhelming feelings you will ever experience.
Once all the feelings are established and you agree that this is something that needs to be taken out in the real world, things get a lot harder. The questions and the doubts starts emerging. When can we meet? Where should we meet? How will I find the money? But that’s all practical stuff… However, there is also the: What if he changes his mind? What if he’s nothing like he said he would be? What if he doesn’t like me when we meet? What if I end up with my heart broken? A lot of insecurities comes to the surface in this period (at least it did for me) and all you can do is trust your gut, because your heart isn’t doing you any favors at this point.
So why would you ever put yourself through that misery? Well, because this person is special… This is the person you could end up marrying later on. This is nothing like any other relationship you’ve ever had… This will probably be your happily ever after, and that makes it worth all the risks.
The sad thing with relationships online is that most of them fall apart pretty fast, because waiting is hard. It’s unbearable to be away from the one you’re in love with, it’s draining. The waiting, the not knowing for sure if it is real or not and not to mention the risk that your physical chemistry won’t be a match… I’m getting stressed just thinking about it!
The truth is thar in my 2 years online I have seen couples finding each other, defying all the odds of them making it in the end. The beginning of some amazing love stories were written, but those couples were the exception to the rule. Many of my friends online got their heart broken sooner or later, hell, even I went through that! I have experienced and seen so much heartache online, that I should probably talk anyone out of ever trying to find love there…. But then again, oh, that 0.01 %!
The thought of actually meeting after all this time might scare you, but I can promise you one thing: It’s actually the easiest part of all. If you think it’s hard before you meet or taking the last step into the real world together, think again! Just wait till after… Wait till you have finally kissed, finally held them in your arms, felt their skin against yours… Now try to imagine the moment when you have to separate again and not knowing when you will see each other again… That’s when reality hits you and your relationship is truly put to the test in the whole new chapter: The Long Distance Relationship.
To sum up: If you are one of those rare lucky couples that actually makes it through, you will know for sure that you are ready to spend your lives together, because after all of that, you never want to be apart ever again. That’s when your fairytale becomes real. That’s when you get your “Happily Ever After”…